Thursday, April 9, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Being in love is one of the greatest feelings. It is exhilarating. It is a dream, which come true for few of us. If you have not professed your love, how will the person you love know that you love him/her?
What are your outer signs that will tell the other person about your feelings? Giving. In love a person gives to make the beloved happy. If you have tried to find out what your beloved likes, you must have tried all your best to give that to him/her. You must have crossed all barriers and used all the means at your disposal to give that to him/her. Am I making sense? Let us discuss little more. For example, if you come to know that your beloved is an avid collector of coins. What will you do? If you are in true love, you will begin searching the rare coins and getting them for him/her. The cost will be no consideration in terms of time or money. You will forget your own work and will be obsessed only with coins. Search, buy and present coins will be your main occupation. To see happiness on your beloved’s face when you keep giving coins to him/her you will go to any extent possible. That is love. And that will tell your beloved that you are in love with him/her.
Now, how to know if the person we love is in love with us? How to know that my beloved reciprocates my love? Isn’t the answer obvious? She/he will try to please me. She/ he will not be satisfied by getting the coins, but give me what I like. My darling would rather ask me not to bother with the coins at all, but get happiness from what she/he is giving me. Say for example, I love to add gadgets in my car. My darling will get me as many gadgets as my car can carry. On the other hand, I will on a coin-searching spree. That is love all about. It may sound crazy to those who have not experienced it, but it is the only way a person in love behaves.
Love is obsession. Romantic love recognizes no boundaries or logic. It is beyond all that. If you are in romantic love, your only goal will be please your beloved, and if your beloved reciprocates your love, his/her attempts will only be towards making you happy.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a couple. If children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of experience.
We all know that it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion perking right along. Here are 10 of them:
1. Be kind. I’m writing this on a cruise ship and it’s fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.
2. Be attentive. Paying attention to the details of life is important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away, help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the currency of love.
3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect". Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.
4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.
5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills passion.
6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!
7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they break.
8. Be generous. I’ve saved the best for last. After a survey of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up over and over began with "give little gifts". Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.
9. Be available. The second of the "big 3" was "take time for each other". Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.
10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories. They talked about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping. They talked about being playful and finding their own way. You can do this!
Someone has said, "Life is what happens while you were making other plans." Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!Written by Dr. Philip E. Humbert
Is this possible? The trend is to separate if there is any mismatch. How is it possible to find a partner with whom one can blissfully spend life together forever? To have such a blessed life, the first need is of caring for each other. When we genuinely care for the other person, we forgive a lot, we tolerate a lot and we adjust everything. The central reason is care. I care for my spouse. I love him/her and I know about all the habits that I hate and everything that is not very lovable. But my love and care looks away from all this and looks towards only one thing- care. Does a mother ever think of separating from her child? No- because she cares. And equally or rather more importantly, she can never imagine doing this.
Can you think of your partner in the same way? In the journey of life, you will come across many persons of opposite sex who will look much better suited than your partner. Will you entertain that possibility of leaving your partner? If you decide not to, you can overcome all such temptations.
Expectations also play a big role in a relationship. We expect and when we don't get, we are disappointed. We may get angry and if the anger persists, separation results. The best way is to spell out all your expectations. Point out whenever you feel they are not being met and try to ignore as many situations as you can when your expectations are not being met. Sounds complicated? It is rather simple. As you expect, your partner also expects. You may think of yourself as a perfect human being, but you are not. So the mistakes will occur on both the sides. What should be done? First, ignore, and if not possible, point out and if still not changed, bear and forgive. But decide to live together because you care. Genuine love can beat all the obstacles on its path. If both of you are in genuine love that binds you together, nothing can ever separate you. If you are in deep and genuine love, decide to overcome all the obstacles on the way and you will be able to do that easily.